30 May 2018

Chuck Lovatt enjoying his medieval torture (all in a good cause)

Hello my little chickadees

Well there has been several requests for me to resurrect my infamous 'Victim Cave' Blog, so I've caved in (see what I did there) Ok I won't give up the day job.

Originally I worked on the promotion of authors (myself included) struggling to get noticed. This time I decided to mix it up a bit 'cos I'm a mucky pup allegedly. There will still be author interviews both new and established but interspersed with other professions. For instance I have a psychic medium lined up along with a gardener who hopefully will share a few gardening tips with us. Personally I would like some produce from her allotment but that's another story. I also have a guy that is obsessed with producing photos of his beloved dogs but also does endless community work. Maybe he will share some of that with us and no the community work wasn't enforced by the judiciary system for misdemeanors, he does it voluntarily.

So then first up in my victim cave is Chuck Lovatt.

Chuck has been here for just over a week. He would have been let out sooner but he constantly complained about the inhumane living standards and blatantly refused to answer my questions fully. He agreed eventually when I gave him some sips of water proving that I must be going soft I reckon.

Introduce yourself please Chuck. Prods his belly with stick to bring him round

Chuck Lovatt with adoring feline fan
The sun! Will I ever see the sun again – feel its warmth on my face? 
Oh, hello! My name is Chuck Lovatt (aka Charlie, aka C.W. aka Charles [if you must]) but really, I’ll answer to anything. JUST GET ME OUTTA HERE!!

Q. I know you live in Canada but can you tell us where and what it's like to live there

Well there’s no slime on the walls, if that’s what you mean, not like a certain place I could mention! Oh, all right. I live in the province of Manitoba, out on the prairies, where it’s so flat you can spend a week watching your dog run away from home. Actually I’ve never known a dog to run away from home, but if one ever did, and you had a week with nothing especially pressing on your agenda, you’ve got it covered.
Also, I had better deal with this question as I get asked it quite a lot: Yes, it can get quite cold here in the winter – some days it’s colder here than at the North Pole, seriously. We Manitobans are of the opinion that anyone choosing to live at the North Pole is a pussy.
Distances here are probably not what you’re used to, Tee. The closest town (what you would call a village) is fifteen miles away, and that’s considered close. The nearest town that actually aspires to being called a city (which you would also call a village) is half an hour in the other direction. Also, public transportation is non-existent out here in the boonies, so you had better know how to drive.
However, this is Big Sky country, with something really impressive to look at every day – be it gigantic cloud formations, clear blue skies, or a sunset so crimson it will hurt your eyes. Also, with very little light pollution, the stars at night will knock your socks off (not to be taken literally.)
Winter
Big sky of Manitoba

Summer




Q. I’m just wondering if you like doing housework living in the back of beyond in isolation? Do you wear a pinafore and mobcap? Use a feather duster? Fluffy slippers? Drink in hand?

Oh sure, taunt me when I’m trussed up and helpless! Noooo don’t hit me, I’ll be good! Okay then, I loathe housework, and avoid it like the plague. I found it far easier to accept that dust is a fact of life, and that dealing with it is a lost cause. As to the latter part of your question: only on special occasions, no, don’t think so, and pretty much always.

Q. Favourite time of year and what do you do for entertainment

Autumn, best weekend of the year! For entertainment, I like to take long walks on the beach…ha ha, sorry, no, that’s for another site. I like to read something – anything - with or without a centrefold.

"Wrong answer smart arse." Cracks whips and turns thumb screws tighter

Q. Favourite food/drink, preferences for hot/cold

OUCHIE!! Well now, let’s see: um, a good steak, passed quickly over the barbecue, with a nice merlot to wash it down. Say Tee, d’you think you could loosen the thumbscrews a smidgeon? It’s giving me a hangnail.

"Nope! In fact I might tighten them a smidgeon and do stop that screaming for god’s sake. Anyone would think I was hurting you."

Q. The books you most enjoy reading

Tee sucks on some dried brains found on the floor of cave whilst awaiting answer. Chuck notices that Tee’s head is spinning round with smoke coming out of ears and mouth.

Um…what? Oh anything, as long as it’s well written. Doesn’t all the head spinning hurt your neck?


 Tee is now sitting quietly on the floor looking into the small pools of blood surrounding her. Nope it stretches my neck.

Q. I know you’re a renowned author of several books including fiction/children’s. Tell us about them all please and when you first started writing.

Gosh, is that all my blood? Oh well, never mind. Feeling weak, so I’d best push on. Okay now, this is where I tend to get a bit longwinded, so don’t poke me with anything pointy or hot if you get bored, okay Tee? Tee? Oh for gosh sake, stop licking the blood off the floor and pay attention! Um…let’s see, where was I? I began writing back in the early eighties, just for fun, but started to take it more seriously about ten or twelve years ago. My early career was in short stories, and I didn’t do too bad, picking up the odd award, here and there, before moving on to novels. 

In 2009 I wrote The Adventures of Charlie Smithers – a story heavily laced with romance and humour, about a gentleman’s gentleman who, through the offices of an angry rhinoceros, and his master’s deplorable aim, is launched on an adventure into deepest darkest Africa. It took me four years to find someone to publish it. That’s when I was introduced to Wild Wolf Publishing, and I’ve never looked back. 

(Oh lord, so much blood, and she’s getting it all over her face! Ewwwww!!) Um…(gasp) I should mention that the book went on to be a number one best seller in its category. Since then, Tee, I’ve written two more Charlie Smithers books – “Adventures in India,” and “Adventures Downunder.” 

Then there are the “Josiah Stubb” books, too – “The Siege of Louisbourg,” and “Interim” - which are more serious works of historical fiction, taking place in Canada during The Seven Years War. With any luck, the third book of the trilogy, “The Plains of Abraham,” should be ready by…(Oh god, are those brains she’s chewing? It looks like an old shoe!)…by Christmas. 

Added to that is “And Then It Rained,” an eclectic mix of novellas and short stories, many of them award-winning; and finally, as you so graciously pointed out, Tee, a children’s story, entitled “The Little Mouse,” was just released. This is a tale for children of all ages, and has already made it to #1 in Britain and Canada. *attempts a nonchalant pose…fails miserably, and collapses in his chains*

Prods him with a hot poker. Ah you’re back with me Chuck. About time. Next question…

Q. How hard do you find book promotion? Any tips or hints you’ve found that were successful for you in promotion?

Not as hard as this interview! I need a doctor!

 Oh lord, book promotion. I mean you have to love writing to put yourself through that. All I know is to keep doing what I’m doing – interviews…like this one (only not quite like this one - it’ll be a miracle if I ever walk again!) podcasts, and advertising on social media, and hope for the best.
In the meantime, keep writing. Perseverance is your best friend. Sooner or later someone is bound to notice.

Hm! Well that never happened for me. Clamps pliers around his little finger in a hissy fit and snaps it off.

Q. What’s your favourite genres to read and write?

Geeeeeeeeezuz that hurts! Fiction, both historical and contemporary.


Q. You’ve set up your own publishing house using FB writer friends to help run it. What would you name it? Who would you choose to run the different departments? As the owner, how would you ensure the FB staff achieved success for you?

I don’t know, I think I’d call it something avante guard – something that no one has ever thought of before – like Random House, or Penguin, or maybe even Wild Wolf. Anyway, our pal, C Reg Jones, would share Humour with Alec Hawkes, along with History and Travel. Poppet would be a slam-dunk in Religion (wouldn’t you love to see her get her hands on the pope’s memoirs?) ably assisted by Monique Lomino, whose gentle nature can soothe even the most bruised ego. Erotica would go to Eva Bielby (I’d give her an office with Netflix and heavy drapes over the windows.) Home and Garden would go to Diana Milne (who, being Diana, would also get Netflix, and heavy drapes over her office windows…now that I think on it, all the offices will have to be so equipped) Mystery will be left a question mark (question mark, get it?) and Helen Patricia would be my personal assistant (ahem) with her office adjoining mine (knock before you enter.) As owner I would be in charge of entertaining clients – Booze and Party Division – and I’d like to arrange a deal with Rod Glenn to make a cameo appearance at some posh restaurant while I’m wining and dining the next Zadie Smith. We’ll exchange a casual greeting, and they would be like all agog, demanding, “Wow, you know Rod Glenn?!” And I would be like, “Oh sure. We go way back, before he hit the big time.”
Obviously, I would ensure that they all worked like slaves by hiring you, dear Tee, as my Editor in Chief. Putting their noses to the grindstone will take on a whole new meaning!

Q. You can pick any animal from time immemorial for a permanent companion. What would you choose and why

A cat. We could have hours of fun exchanging supercilious stares, before pretending to ignore one another for the rest of the day.

Hm! I’ve got the remains of a cat somewhere in the back of the cave. Maybe I could offload that on him.

Q. You’re given the opportunity to take a holiday anywhere in the world with someone else picking up the tab. Where would you choose and why.

Out of this dungeon! I don’t mean to complain, Tee, honestly, but the smell is overwhelming, and these maggots are really starting to itch! HEEEEEEELP!!

"Oh do stop complaining"…. Loosens manacles and leg irons and boots him out, "And don't expect me to pay for your therapy this time"… well what a pain in the butt he was. I’m glad to be rid of him. Now then who’s next in line? …. Ah yes…

Laters Potaters


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3 comments:

D Arcadian said...

Absolutely brilliant!
I commented, so does my name get put in the hat to win a copy of C W Lovatt?

tee geering said...

Hahaha Um...... No...... :-)

D Arcadian said...

You mean I win the Real C W Lovatt? Wow! Thank you.